Beginnings and endings.

       The day has come to pack up and ship out! Katie, my sister who arrived on tuesday, and I have had a tiring and busy week of packing, cleaning, and prepping for our camping trip. I really don't think I could have done all of it without her here. Alas, I am too emotionally attached to my material belongings and needed a second opinion. Katie turned my apartment into an episode of Hoarders, or some HGTV cleaning show. Piles of keep, ship, and goodwill litter the floor around my very tiny apartment. Getting rid of so much makes me feel free in a way. Like I'm some rail rider from the 1930's with only my sack and the clothes I'm wearing on to take with me (I think Katie would whole heartily disagree with that statement). Initially I was a little panicky about getting rid of everything but then I realized how much a U-haul is and suddenly I felt good about it. We did try and squeeze in some fun activities in among the brutal job of packing. Blues on the Green and night swimming in Barton Springs, I highly recommend. Master Pancake at the Alamo Drafthouse and some good food of course!

So the car is packed and we are ready. All I have to do now is say goodbye. 

You know the cheesy saying, as one door opens another closes. It's a very simple concept, to end one chapter and inevitably begin another. As simple as this may seem, there is nothing simple or easy about saying goodbye. I feel as though I've left little parts of my heart scattered around amongst my dearest and oldest friends. I've had to say goodbye, whether for brief or long periods of time, to people who have impacted my life in ways I have yet to understand. It never gets any easier. I've made it a point to keep in touch with these people because I understand now what it means to find good friends in this world. One is only as brave or as strong as the people standing behind and beside them. It is with great sadness that I say goodbye to some amazing and wonderful people here in Austin. I am so grateful for all of them and how they've made the past few years an experience of a lifetime.

I think we can all say that I was never truly a Texas woman and was always destined to make my way back to eastern shores. I never thought I would love Austin as much as I do and that's because of the friends I've made. I've grown during these past few years into an adult. Shocking. I never really felt like one until this past year when I finally felt settled into who I am. So now it's time to take this show on the road, as my mother always says, and test out this new independent and strong woman I think I've become. And so opens another door and through it begins a great adventure!

I am going to leave you with a song (get used to this because I can be quite inarticulate at times) that exemplifies the emotions I have about leaving. The Head and the Heart are one my favorite bands and I hope you enjoy.

P.S. sorry about the nakedness.....or not...? 

Pros and cons

It's exactly a month before I leave Austin and I am feeling panicky. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to begin this adventure but the feeling is bittersweet. I believe it is normal to second guess ones decision to leave a perfectly normal and unbroken life behind simply to make a change. Am I crazy?! My life here is great and in twenty years I am going to look back on this time in my life and be envious of the freedom I had. No kids, no marriage, and no house. I am completely free to do whatever I want and be whatever I want. I find it all a bit challenging and overwhelming. Doesn't that just seem….well, stupid. To have all this and want more? The reasons why I am leaving have yet to occur to me. It probably has something to do with my inexplicable desire to have the kids, the marriage, and the house. That I need to be crazy and adventurous before I earned the right to raise another human being, or have the wisdom to do it right. Whatever my reasoning is I am sure it will reveal itself along the way. I can't help thinking about the contrasting difference between here and New Hampshire. My good friend Liana always makes a pros and cons list to help her through tough decisions. I usually gave her grief for it but I think that it actually might help in this case, so here it goes.

Austin Pros;

Food (don't laugh that this is my first pro, it's yours too) 

See, it's important.

Chicken and Waffles courtesy of 24 Hour Diner

Character- Of city itself I mean.  

People- interesting and adventurous friends, yes please

Music-no explanation here.

New Hampshire pros

Nature- easy one.

Family- who can argue with that.

A place to settle- well lets not be too over eager about that one, eventually I'll settle. 

Austin cons:

Distance from family

The HEAT- does it ever get easier

No midwifery career here- okay that one could change someday! 

New Hampshire Cons;

It's cold, a LOT.

No nightlife, goodbye social life

Living with my parents; not entirely a con but not something you want to tell a potential suitor (yes I said suitor) 

It's a good list. You know, after looking at it I still think I am making the right decision. My leaving reminds me of a song by Patty Griffin that I'll leave you with, "you must always know how long to stay, and when to go…". 

Favorite spot on the farm:)